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I wish youtube had forced this video upon me a year ago... this would have saved me from so much destruction and pain

Heidi: You are CHANGING my life. This video was more helpful than 26 years in recovery and therapy. Thank you for using your gifts to help all of us wounded souls seeking a secure attachment with ourselves.

Thanks!

Heidi, I hope you see this comment. I’ve been on RUclips since 2009 and this might be the most impactful video I’ve ever watched. There were so many times that I had to pause the video and just take in what you said. I sat down with a note pad and took notes for each step. I finally can say that I have an actionable plan to truly make positive changes in my life. Over the next week I’m going to spend a morning thinking through each step in depth. Thank you.

Thank you Heidi. ❤

Im so blessed to know your channel

This is the best explanation ive ever heard. This video has helped me so much. Thank you for posting this.

I've known I was toxic for a while, but it never really made me feel as bad as it did today. My friend told me we would no longer be speaking, and at first I was annoyed because it was a little thing that happened. I'm still annoyed if I'm honest. But now I think it was a build up of everything. We were 2 of 3 surviving girls from a extremely toxic friend group, and a lot of our toxic behaviours came with us into our new friendship. I did a lot of things to her, and she did the same to me. But we did love eachother. Atleast, I loved her, and I hope she loved me. We have tried too many times to fix the friendship, and it keeps going South. I think I got too much for her.

I love this! Going through something like this right now. Thank you!❤

Man. I went to therapy today and it was the biggest waste of time. Basically she told me I just needed to focus on myself and the future and what I can fix. True statements, but not what I needed to hear. I needed to hear THIS. Thank you for doing what you do.

Thank you that was helpful. Currently making a play list ❤

I just say a couple wirh the same dynamics as me and wife, just 20 years older. It was horrible 😢

Thanks

This video is a game changer

What if you think being rich and fit is shameful...? 🤣 k maybe not fit, but richness for sure

I laughed out loud at this one: I don't wanna! Reading books = safe! 😂

I don’t know. It’s a fine line between having an emotion that is strong and telling your partner about it, and tolerating bad treatment from your partner.

Thank you so much for a new perspective of intimacy.

Number 9 and number 10 sheesh 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

The realisation of the extent to which I have an Anxious Attachment style is quite frightening. Almost all of the described behaviours describe how I feel, act and behave. I find it quite distressing to somehow have suddenly realised what the issue is after all of these years. My relationship is under great strain at the moment… largely due to by behaviour in the context of my relationship at a particularly difficult time in my life. I do feel that even a ‘normal, secure person’ would struggle under the prevailing circumstances let alone someone with that is struggling with anxiety and depression. I think that simple fact is too much for my partner and I cannot tell you how much I hope I can work this out with her. I am struggling with the idea that my behaviour may have destroyed what is truly believe is best relationship that I have experienced in my life. It feels desperately sad that anything I try to say will most likely have the opposite impact than that which I intend. I feel so lost. This has all happened just at the point when some good news has arrived and I want to feel positive and believe that I am ready to do the work to truly bring about healing with this new knowledge but it really frightens me that it may be too little too late…. And my fault.

how can I (with my high openness) find my boundaries and values? I am doubting my own thoughts a lot and also don´t know what is an ideal relationship for me. I don´t know who I am. In a relationship I usually enjoy the time together and don´t want to risk loosing it by starting a discussion about something I don´t know myself... So finding myself is definetly the first step, but it´s difficult because I am very open.... jajaja

My part in the ruination of my marriage was co-dependence. I realize it profoundly watching this

You had a $65. out. Could have been a lot worse. Think Northern BC, no uber, no taxi, no bus, no cell phone, no pay phone, and Dad is driving like a maniac to show you he's in charge and angry. How helpless I felt. How vulnerable I was. But on the drive home (8 hours drive south), I told him, Dad, either slow down, or let me out. He then realized what he was doing. He was BEING a BAD FATHER. I never took a ride with him again after that.

You sure don't seem like someone who needs therapy. You seem really confident and secure.

I really like your lighting in this video. We can see your pupils.

I feel like im about to lose myself. Im scared im gonna hurt myself because of this overwhelming feeling

You just saved my life. Thank you.

Yes layers. And the layers interact with the other people's layers.

This is incredible advice and guidance that explains the underlying human emotions and behavior. At 57, going through a divorce after several years of denied intimacy; as I date/develop relationships with new women I feel elated then fearful of denial… so easy to obsess. Your mental exercises are so powerful. I am deeply grateful.

She talks like a sadist

Praying for you, Heidi. Still on my healing journey too. I greatly appreciate you sharing your journey. I'm praying for your salvation. 🤗

this is the most insightful video I've ever watched (edit- do you have a book recommendation for this topic?)

Omg, Heidi. Everytime I'm watching your videos I found more and more about myself I was always feeling ashamed that I create stories about my boyfriends or relationship, or sometimes jobs, and now I realise i just wanted to be socially accepted, and I was tired to never feeling I belong here Thank you so much what are relief.

Thanks!

You’re so good. It’s hard to keep up with all the information more or less find some small ability to implement the concepts

Heidi..... I have so enjoyed and benefitted from your videos. In many episodes, you mention various books that have been helpful to you on your journey. Do you happen to have a compiled list of these books. I always have an audio book going during my daily walks and would love to listen to some of your recommendations. Thanks. :)

accidentally fills the room with weird energy because of PMS

I always said i feel... still stonewalled

Thank you ❤

Avoidants might not be villains but who wants to have to tread on eggshells all day every day with a person who has a problem been vulnerable.

Thanks, god bless you

Thank you so much, Heidi, for this incredibly clear exposition of the cost complex trauma. I'm 60 years old, have been in therapies most of my life and suddenly you are giving me the information I need to turn around the toxic shame that came from in. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The wound part is brilliant.

It works! My mother would be proud of me today!

The tip about treating your brain as a child with different projects and one of them being a rebellious choice is awesome. I really think it will work for me. Thank you!

This video is amazing! It really addresses a lot of the circumstances that trigger anxiety. It’s really empowering too on how we can grow

Hands down the most honest, least bloated, most competent, most clearly presented information out there. I can say that about every video of yours. Stunning. How does all of this information and articulation fit in one brain? What a gift, and thank you.

Thank you!❤ I think you said something in this video that I think is often overlooked. Space. The word, the act, the void, and releasing the fear of the unknown and emptiness of which the space creates, turning that fear to acceptance and allowance of the unknown. Perhaps this is what true receptivity is. I’ve been watching your videos for a while and I’m 53. You are me. I am you. Please continue what you’re doing. I believe that in 50 years time, your books will be among the canon of Bolby, Miller, Walker, et. al. Thank you for teaching me how to love myself. lastly I’ve been in therapy on and off for over 30 years, have had the most amazing therapist from the beginning who has guided me throughout my life and given me a tool chest to work with, you have shown me how to use them again as they were a little rusty. ❤❤❤

I just came across this video now. You made me cry Heidi Priebe. I completely resonate. I gained a lot of insight from listening to your videos, and all the info you have provided through your channel. I want to thank you very very much and let you know that you have helped me with understanding a healthy mindset, instead of seeing what is broken. I can now see a clearer destination rather than the broken parts of me that I am trying to walk away from. So, thank you. I hope you are well. ❤

Heidi FROID